A Crohn's "Disease" Fable | Crohn's Disease | Forum

Once upon a time- there was a man- Mr. Wilbur Crohn. His colon was all
messed up. He had terrible urgent diarrhea- gas- bloating-burning pain
& mucus and blood in his stool. His wife Mildred said- “You better
go the the doctor’s office- they are real smart-they can fix your messed
up colon.” So as soon as Wilbur could get out of the bathroom he
grabbed his Imodium and went to see the doctor. When he got there he
said -”Hey Doc-my colon is all messed up-please read the 2nd sentence of
this fable- can you fix me up?” The doctor said “Let me stick this tube
up your butt & take a look.” The doctor- while looking  thru this
tube at the inside of his butt (thought-”I got screwed with the worst
job in this stupid fable.”)  kept uttering those very technical
scientific terms like “hmmm- a huh- hmmm- a huh-very interesting.”
Wilbur-hoping the doctor can tell him what the hell is going on with his
messed up colon says ‘hey doc- are you going to be able to fix me up?”
The doctor said- “Hold on -I’m gonna talk to my colleagues- they are
real smart too. I’ll be right back Mr. Crohn’s.” So the smart doctors- I
mean these guys were surgeons- that’s how smart they were said -”this
guy’s colon is all messed up-what the hell is this? What the hell are we
gonna do? What are we gonna tell him?” So the smartest doctor- the one
who has had the most experience bullshitting people said- “Let’s tell
him that he has a disease & that there is no cure -that way we are
off the hook and we don’t look so bad for not being able to fix it.” So-
the 1st doctor – the one with the least experience bullshitting people
said “What are we gonna call this disease?” The smartest doctor said-
“What’s this guy’s name any ways?”  The 1st doctor said- “His name is
Wilbur Crohn’s.” The very smartest Dr. said – It’s obvious-we’ll call it
crohn’s disease and no one will have ever heard of it and we look
cool.” “And oh- BTW- tell him there is nothing we can do about it- there
is no cure -so we will have to do surgery- see if he goes for it. If he
does-that’s about 20k- we’ll all split it.” So he goes and tells
Wilbur- “Mr. Crohn we figured out why your colon is so messed up-what a
coincidence – you have crohn’s disease- imagine that!” I do have some
bad news and some good news- there is no cure- BUT-  we can give you
some pills that can fool you into thinking that you are cured for a
while and once your colon is messed up beyond repair & this is the
good news- we will cut it out- and we will give you a bag to defecate
into and you can choose whatever color bag you want.” Yup- that’s what
modern science can do- soooooo when would you like to schedule your next
appointment?”—- The moral of the story is— when someone is pissing on
your leg & telling you it’s raining- grab your colon & run! BTW-
feel free to insert IBS- Colitis- Leaky Gut – Diverticulitis- as they
all fit into this story perfectly-get down to the doctor’s office-you
just might get a disease named after you— yippeee!